Dave hasn't called in a day. The last time he talked he made me cry.. I don't know if he knew, but he did.

He was saying how i worry about other people, saying that they don't deserve what they get and they don't deserve their life.. they deserve more..and better...

I don't know how the conversation turned, but he said that maybe I was worrying because they represented some part of me, and that why worry about them, and waste energy, than worry about myself...and what was worry anyways, what good did it do.. and how was it in anyway productive?

And he asked me what I want.

And he doesn't know what I want..and he doesn't know what I want from him.

And I don't know anymore either.

But. I know I want to be happy. I want to try things twice. I want to be "down to earth", be real, have dreams. And make them a reality. Someday.

That is all I know.

I'm sure i know more. Like how I want time to myself. I want good people around me. I want independance. And I want it now.

But we all know that ain't happening.

...Dave is not the One.

I admire him, and he's cool...he's real. But he isn't for me.. and that sucks considering what's been done and said between us.

I dunno. maybe it's the hormones today.

That's fucked up man. ...I had a really awesome weekend. My parents were away and although I worked all weekend and also had class saturday morning (what a TERRIBLY bad time, huh?!) but I got to hang out with Perky girl from the store, Dave, Rocky Horror Picture Girl and Mark too. It felt good.

And then there's the irresponsibility with Dave. Yes i know... the hormones were talking for the both of is (btw i'm STILL a virgin, dontcha start worrying now) but basically I feel ....well...love ain't supposed to feel like this. Because this feels awkward.

I haven't even written in a while so I'm a little winded. Basically I think for the past bit I've spent too much time around people (waaay more than usual anyways.) and I need some time to rejuvenate and recharge. Kinda like when Michael talked about recharging his Nokia. ...anyone remember? ;p

...yeah.

Plus this whole thing could be another trust issue...and so I won't even go into it. Trust is an important thing..and neither party knows whether it is or isn't.