I hate Bobby Flay.

I don't know why either. He's full of himself, not the greatest cook, and I don't know what idiots would invest in him hosting his own show.

He just bothers me.

Lately though, I notice that they've been trying to change his image and down play his ego...but it ain't going to work for me. I remember on the Iron Chef when he got up on the cutting board. I am SO happy he did not win. Plus he was using bottled mayonnaise.

Hello. You do NOT use prepackaged goods in a competition like that. What planet are you froM???

Anyways. Today is Sunday. I don't really like Sundays sometimes. My sister is the only one in the family who attends church. ...I don't know if I've written about this, but as a toddler I attended a presbytarian preschool, me, my mother and brother went to an "Alliance" Sunday school. Right now, my sister goes to an Anglican church. And my dad..he's just superstitious.

So. Sundays sometimes aren't my favourite day of the week. I have a great aunt...and she goes to the same church as my sister does. And usually she tags along with us. Which means my half day with my sister is a little wierd because I can't be selfish and do something kiddie because I have to care about the elder there. Not that I don't care, it's just that I remember one time my parents were away so I went to pick up my sister, and great aunt jumped into the van.

Yes. I know I'm being disrespectful...here's a little old lady who didn't have any means of getting home, and I was being a little moron and sullen the entire day.

But I wanted to go watch a movie with my sister..and like, where the hell was I supposed to take these couple for lunch? And what the hell am I supposed to do with the entire afternoon?

It was just strange.

I got a little thoughtful while we were waiting for them to come out of the church today. My sister is the only one in my family who is baptised. And it was her own decision. I felt guilty about asking her why she wanted to get baptised when she did, and I even cried at her ceremony. Where does one gather their faith?

And my sister...she's a really good kid. She's lazy and a little selfish, but I know she'll bet a good person when she grows up. I wonder if anyone thought that about me when I was growing up.

I'm not the only female pervert in my family. [I HAD to specify female..my brother is one too.] En route to the church, I off-handedly remarked that I wondered if this middle-aged couple we knew were going to ever have children.

Mum: "Of COURSE not..."
me: "huh. (surprised) why?"
Mum: "Well LOOK at him. He's already fat. And she's considerably so as well."
me: ?
Mum: "So...it's hard for that stuff to get together and gao chut yun mang!" [expression for life or death situation.]
me: "gao chut yun mang??!"
Mum: "Well that's what we're talking about right? They won't have a life or [in this case] death situation if the two .. implements can't get together. By the time all this sperms gets *shhffffs* out, it dies even before it gets and swims up the woman."
me: [laughing from either horror or nervousness of hearing this from my MUM. . . .still don't know.]
Mum: "And then there's the fact that he's not ..you know.. ENOUGH."
me: [I turn to my mother, mid-giggle and hand over my mouth.]
Mum: "He's not big enough. [Someone] told me that he wasn't big at all, and the next time I saw him I noticed, there's no WAY he's big at all."

So that was a little killer moment there. Out of no where too. I guess me and my mother alike can just start up out of nothing and babble on and on about one thing.

We went to Parker Place to walk around. I haven't been there in about three years. Maybe two. It reminded me of way back when I had a personal ad and one of the crappy respondants told me (exactly after the day that i was there) that he worked there as a security guard, and then proceeded to freak out, asking if I had seen or noticed him.

In the same email, he went on to say "no?" Well you didn't because no girls notice guys who aren't good looking. They only notice the good looking ones. And I'm not goodlooking...no one notices me....

What a *great* way to market yourself, buddy.

I basically flamed this loser for subjecting me to his bullshit. Which I look back on being not mean..because really...who ARE you and who do you THINK I am?? Think you're going to get an "GO OUT WITH ME!!!" after that?

I told him to quit his whining, and if he wasn't happy with his job to go and find himself a better one, with better pay, and buy himself a good car (he said he had a used old car and that no girls liked guys with his kind of car), but he had to face up and change his damn crap attitude if he was going to do anything with his life.

No I don't regret it because basically this guy was so far out of it, he was writing to a complete stranger about his little insecure qualms.

Jeez.

Please read Winnie's entry for today. This is exactly how I feel. Yes, Chinese parents DO nag. They do use guilt. They do lie. They do turn the truth around to duel with their friends and other family members, pitting their children against each other..

When I was just going to work, they wanted me to go to school. And now that I am in school, they want me to work.

Nothing is ever good enough.

I don't even think I will go into this because I believe my journal speaks for the moments themselves. If only my parents could see the "nothingless" that they make me feel.

And to think that I've internalized them.